Aug 17th

After an 8mo battle and a very long tough week my step father lost his battle to cancer.

In the last week I've reflected on this relationship and the involvement/impact he had on my life, my husbands life and most importantly my kids life. I'll be the first to admit we did not see eye to eye when he and my mother got married. I was probably 12/13 yrs old when my mom met him. Now raising my own teens I have to wonder why in the world did this man not RUN and never turn back? Why would he willingly enter into the world of teens when he had no children of his own?? 20+ years later I respect him for not allowing us to run him off.

I moved out, got on with my own life and may not have always made the best choices~ but unless asked he kept his opinion to himself and let me make my own mistakes~ something that helped make me who I am today! I quickly met my husband and got engaged. He and my husband hit it off right off. Though it got to be a bit of an inconvenience cause he ended up always wanting my husband to spend his days off helping him or going and doing things with him. Again at the time it was quite a PITA. Between my step dad and my husbands dad my poor husband was being run ragged helping them. We ended up having to draw a line in the sand just so our lil family could grow develop and have time for things in our immediate lives. But that bond and the time my husband spent with my step dad that first year year and a half of our life together formed memories my husband will cherish forever.

Shortly into our marriage we welcomed our first child. This wasn't shared for years later but while I was preg my step father said to my mom "they aren't going to just think they can dump their kids here every weekend and expect us to care for them are they" after our son was born and he realized we were very much attached parents he asked my mom "do you think they will ever let us watch that boy?" When I had my first child is when my eyes were open to the heart of this man!! Here he was a gruff retired police officer that absolutely ADORED my son. Not having kids of his own he thought every little thing my son did was the most awesome thing in the world...he continued to think this way til Aug 15th when he saw my son for the last time!! He enjoyed every second and event of his life. He loved all my kids but being his first grandson and never having a boy of his own he loved seeing my oldest grow from a little baby to smirking about him starting drivers ed!

In the last week though it has really surprised me of my blood relatives reaction to this loss. Not once has anyone called to ask how my kids were doing with his death. Yet in the past week I've realized more and more that being blood related doesn't "make" you a father or grandfather. In my adult life when %$#@ hit the fan and we would need advice or help fixing something we always called my step dad first. Of course we learned to weed out half the BS he'd add but the other half of his advice was right on usually saved us time and money and taught us many lessons in life. You know the guidance that any father would offer. While I was sitting in a flooded house alone 9mo preg with 5 kids only one person came to try to get us out...it wasn't anyone who was "blood" related. When he saw he couldn't get to me he offered to do anything he could to help. I declined all his offers and assured him we'd be fine. Before the water had even receded it was my step father who had made calls to line up restoration people to come help us clean up. Through the years my husband, my kids and myself have had disappointments of "family" not being involved in special events for one reason or another. But Aug 6th we had a birthday party for our 2 youngest kids. In 15 years and 7 kids this was the very first birthday party he ever missed of my kids. 4 blood related grandparents and none of those can say they made it to every birthday party. But the non blood related one didn't miss one until he was confined to bed dying! Christmas 2011 will be the first Christmas of my kids lives that their PaPaw is not with them. Every single Christmas the blood related parents/grandparents just cause us stress and disappointment about seeing us and their grandchildren...but not once not one single Christmas morning did my children not see him~ not because we'd tote them over to his house to see and spend time with him. Because he made these little precious people his priority. He never put his own needs or wants before those of my kids. My kids could have called him for ANYTHING and without hesitation he would have given them whatever he could in life. When my kids pick up the phone to call many blood related relatives they joke for half an hour listing the excuses that they predict will come from the other end of the phone!!!

So in all this rambling of reflection this sums up what my step father meant to our family.... “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.”

Thank You Greg/PaPaw for loving my family! I know my children will cherish the time you spent with them and the memories made!!