So Hard To Understand.....

Tonight for the 2nd time in my life I had to view a casket only 3ft long!! That is something that should just not ever occur. Surrounding this casket were pictures of an 8lb 6oz perfect healthy beautiful baby boy! Tomorrow I will have to view a casket 3ft long for the 3rd time.... 2 babies taken before they turned 2weeks old from 2 sets of parents 12 hours apart just can not be understood!! In life we don't see the full picture and may not ever understand the why in things but I hope these families find a way to make it through!!!

And it's over!!

Christmas is never really one of my favorite holidays. Too much Hoopla and drama. We didn't have a lot of drama this year only because we are so use to the same ol $hit we just don't really care anymore and the older kids are smart enough to see things on their own!!!! Hubs and I find it funny that as kids we stayed at our own homes and grandparents came to visit us and our mothers fixed the meals. So here we are the family trying to keep up that tradition by inviting everyone to our house and every year only my mother comes willingly and excited to see her grandkids Christmas Day!! Hubs finally told me this year NO MORE catering and taking up an entire 2 additional days to celebrate just because people don't want to come to our house Christmas Day!!! With 7 kids and a husband who won't always be off Christmas Day we have to do what works. His new rule is come Christmas Day or put it in the mail!! I'm so sure that will happen! Through it all we are learning how to make life easier on our kids once they have kids!!! :) Surely w/ 7 kids we'll get invited somewhere for Christmas! Although watch now my kids will fall into this new trend and expect me to host Christmas til I die!! So here comes the end of December.....That means HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! May 2011 bring you many blessings!!

Take the time to see Christmas in the HEART of others!!

Most people comment to me "oh enjoy these years they grow up so fast" "oh if I could see Christmas in the eyes of a child again" I can not argue with any comments like that and it is precious don't get me wrong. But last night something more meaningful and more precious occurred. This in the heart of my 14yr old!!
As I posted last week about my heavy heart- I think it has affected us all. But last night on the way home it was just the older 2 kids and I driving hm. Red asked me if she could use her babysitting $$ to buy the little kids Christmas (she's saving for camp) I told her to use just x amount instead of from 2 nights. She didn't think it would be enough. Trying to remind her about it not mattering the amount but the love you put it in. So I suggested we go to the dollar store because the lil girls would love a coloring book or book from there. As we listed who else to buy for I said I don't even know what to buy for "Jennifer" What I wanted to get we just can't afford this year. I laughed and said "well unless ya'll don't want your gifts" a couple miles later Big C says just give me my cleats (he was there when we bought them and this would be pair #2 in 3mo) and take the rest back it'll be there in a year and I don't HAVE to have any of it. As he then got Red onboard proceeding to go inside and get Squeaks and Cani Bear to give up just one gift request. (they weren't having it). About half an hour passed and C came back to me. Mom I have $$$ in savings (used only for educational purposes) can I borrow from that and go buy what we discussed I'll pay my savings back with my Christmas $$$ this way nobody else has to give anything up!!! Fighting back tears I said "no we'll make it all happen you've proven a lot to me tonight and I'm glad to see the spirit of Christmas in your heart."
Actually he TAUGHT me a lot lastnight!!! I work off such a tight budget and try to keep everything so "equal" that I often let that get in the way of the whole picture. Sorry I get it from my mother who still makes sure my brother and I have the same # of gifts and the amount spent is within dollars of each other. (we live 3 states apart how would we ever know??)
So anyone who says they want to see Christmas through the eyes of a child....I'd much rather see it through the heart of a teenager ANYDAY!!
The item was purchased last night w/ about a 25% discount making it not much off the "budget" that can now burn in hell :) None of the kids sacraficed a gift and my son opened my eyes to the true joy of Christmas. And to the person who said to me "you have everything in the world you want there is not one single thing you desire for Christmas" Honestly NOPE not one damn thing. I have EVERYTHING my heart could EVER desire and then some!!!!! It makes me sad that so many people really do have wants when they have EVERYTHING right in front of them they just don't take the time to enjoy it!!! Thank You Big C for having a heart of gold!! To think a family member called him immature this Summer....There are grown men who haven't a heart THAT selfless and sincere!!!

Word of The Month.....

CANCER- Not prejudice against age race or sex. A disease that has a mind of its own and is a real A$$hole!!! (not quoted from Webster)

I sit here with a heavy heart because of this monster. All of the cures for so many things and this one continues to kick the ass of the human race! Last week it was an adult I was concerned with being diagnosed with the disease. Then Sunday I find out a friend from childhood has a 4yr old daughter who has a brain tumor. She had surgery yesterday to see if there will be any treatment to try. My heart breaks for a child I've never met and I think any mother reading this just got a knot in their stomach. A healthy happy 4yr old one day to this..... makes me remember there are no guarantees in life! If that's not enough from this Beast Big C has a friend who I believe has lymphoma. When he told me this this Summer I couldn't give my son false hope. I told him to stand up for his friend if anyone picked on him, to be a friend to him always and above all to pray for his friend. But to realistically know he may not ever graduate from high school...That friend is not doing well. 63-15-4 you just never know what life has in store for you!! I have just looked at my kids today and tears fill my eyes. I just couldn't imagine.... so this holiday season I am reminded to cherish every moment~ make fabulous memories for my children~ and remember there are no guarantees those who are with you this Christmas will be there the next!! Old~ Young~ Healthy~ Sick no guarantee

Oh almost forgot...

ICKY WALKS!!!!

He'd been taking steps for a couple weeks but I'm tough on my kids... they don't get credit until they walk more than they crawl!! So he got up Monday the 15th and decided his feet were perfect transportation! By the end of that week he was trying to run!! Watching a baby walk just never gets old!! So funny!

Here we are the end of Nov.....

Well another month has come and gone! Can't say it's been the greatest month of 2010 but as always I'll make lemonade if you give me a lemon so I'm drinking up.... a lil cold for it though maybe lemon and my spiked hot cocoa would go together too!

Sue Bee turned 5 on the 15th!! She LOVES her birthday! She has such an awesome spirit and love in her little 5yr old heart! She has looked forward to being 5 I think for 2yrs.....last night I told her your birthday month is almost over! 11 more months and it will be back when you turn 6. She looked up and said "mommy I want to stay 5 FOREVER!" Wouldn't that be the perfect age to stay......

Along with November ending come the holidays....oh how I have a love hate relationship for them!! I HATE HATE HATE Thanksgiving. Too many people spend 335 days out of the year being unthankful- greedy and well pretentious. Then all of a sudden Thanksgiving arrives and they want to proclaim their thankfulness for everything!! SAVE IT!!! Wake up EVERYDAY thankful for what you have been blessed with and appreciate your family instead of the 30 days between Thanksgiving and Christmas!! So needless to say we don't really celebrate Thanksgiving. We teach our kids to be thankful everyday not just the last Thursday of November!! We stay home eat a non traditional meal- watch football- movies whatever and give thanks for our everyday life!!

And now here approaches Christmas! Tis the season to anticipate when the #%&@ will hit the fan!! Why you wonder well because we are horrible people who want to stay in our own home for Christmas. For many years we toted kids from house to house after getting up at the crack of dawn- kids had to leave toys behind- and spend HOURS driving over the river and through the woods kids SCREAMING the entire way!! By the days end we had tired cranky kids- tired and cranky husband and wife- and ALWAYS some other unhappy family member because we didn't eat there, didn't get there early enough, or just plum didn't stay long enough!! SO about 6 yrs ago we decided NO MORE we will invite everyone to our house! You would think this would be a welcome invitation- food- gifts- kids.... unfortunately this always comes with a dose of drama and trust me in the next 25 days at some point $&%^ will hit the fan :) Tis the Season now isn't it!!

So we try to ignore the outside negatives and focus on our kids- our traditions- OUR memories!! The kids always look forward to the Advent calender. This year they each have a day of the week to remove the symbol. Along with removing their day they are to do a good deed for someone. This may be help with someones chore- read a book to lil sis- something to GIVE to someone around them! People often wonder how we do Christmas with this many kids... Keep in mind I'm a planner I've been getting gifts for almost a year- black Friday sales have nothing on the sales I find all year!! But we also try to stay focused on the true meaning of Christmas instead of trying to stimulate the economy. Yes Santa comes to visit we are weird but not THAT weird!! :) (I'm kidding I know many reading this don't do Santa) But Santa is not the main focus of our day or the season. We encourage our kids to think about and think of things we can do for those less fortunate. My FAVORITE part of Christmas is on Christmas Eve when the kids give gifts to each other. The elementary kids "buy" things with points they earn reading and Big C took the $$$ he earned ref'ing and bought everyone something (with NO encouragement from us) Each kid gets excited about seeing the others open what they gave and the lil ones LOVE getting a gift from big bro and sis! It is the perfect example that it is not how much $$$ you spend on a gift its what you put into the gift that matters!! The "magic" of Christmas really only pertains to K baby and Sue Bee this year but the "spirit" of the season grows within our family every year as our older kids are growing up! Many worry about how the material side of Christmas will influence their kids when they grow up. Well a friend who has a girl Big C's age did not allow their kids to believe in Santa they are christians the kids go to private school but they didn't want the Santa therory to influence the season. I thought at the time about doing this but now seeing my older kids values of the season I know Santa does not carry near the influence as we do so I enjoy the very few "magical" Christmas' with the lil ones even more than I did with the older kids. Because I know oh too quickly how fast they grow!!

So in case the weeks get crazy as I'm sure they will.....

MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!!!!

Word Of The Day........

Pretentious - Definition 1. appearing to have an unrealistically high self-image 2. made to look or sound important

I've worked hard since I was 16yrs old (actually probably younger because I made good money babysitting but 16 is what Uncle Sam knows about) :) I may not have several framed pieces of paper on my wall to show everyone how educated I am. And I am by no means classified as upper class. Guess what THANK GOD!
I am finding as I near middle age more and more about the people around me. I am losing respect I once had for some and gaining respect and admiration for others. That respect is based on lifestyle and a lot around the word Pretentious! Some may think "well she is just jealous". I myself thought that at first too. But then I realized I'm not jealous because I don't desire what these people have. If I desired these things they too would be made my priority. My priorities remain spending time with my kids and husband. So to work several jobs or work and go to school isn't, wasn't and probably never will be a priority.
So back to my word Pretentious... it irritates me that some people feel all those framed papers on the wall some how make them better than those around them. Each place value on a check makes them just a little more superior then Joe the plumber. There are 2 ways I look at these people. Example A the people who went to school to earn those degrees so they could decorate their walls brag about what school they went to, will add each letter before or after their name to show others their accomplishments. Example B is the one who wanted to educate themselves to better the world or those around them. They have those pieces of paper sometimes more tucked away in a desk drawer at home. And unless they are in the current role will simply write their given name no need to add anything more. Example A drives a brand new high dollar vehicle. Example B a non flashy get me from point A to point B. Example A shops at the high end retail stores to spend 50% more than Example B did just so they can say "Oh I got that at ______". Example A coupons? discounts? those are for people who don't have what I do. Example B no we'll go to the movie early to get the cheaper deal. AND my favorite Example A will make sure others know what they have but never pay it forward. While Example B will donate his time or money to those in need. Example A you may think of as the Pretentious one and yes probably is but I think my Example C fits it to a T. That person who has no education, married into $$$, when you start talking with them they quickly bring the conversation to what's important (themselves), they will never hesitate to tell you all about their brand new car, their latest trip, show you their newest electronic toy to which they will also brag about how much they spent on it, they talk frequently about people they know that are successful thinking that by association it adds to their own quality. And this is the person that will quickly assume they are wealthier than, better than, and more important than the above Example B. I feel very sorry for both Example A and C. I am sorry they have such obscured priorities.
I know I am rambling and seeing it's 3am the day after I buried my grandmother this may make no sense BUT....my point is- We all came into this world pretty much the same way. And none of us will live forever. I believe it boils down to 2 groups of people those who could have been wealthy if they hadn't worked so hard trying to prove it and those people who ARE wealthy be it with actual $$$ or with life/love itself. In raising my kids I hope I can instill 2 very important messages One-Honesty is the best policy and Two- Everybody puts their pants on one leg at a time!!! No matter what they do in life I hope these beliefs remain in each of their hearts. That they will become successful by fullfilling whatever their dreams may be but when they do to remember their roots.